My Thoughts on Friendship:

Topic one: Forgiveness.

“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24

“Friendship?” Why on earth did I choose a topic like this you might ask? Because, in today’s society you see less and less relationship and more and more selfishness. I see more posts about friends leaving friends or being “unfriended” or this person walked out on them and…well, you get the point. We have all felt the hurt of relationships gone sour. Trust me, I speak from experience. So I am going to cover this topic. Mind you, I am by no means an expert. This is just me sharing my musings from everyday life. I don’t claim to profess that if you follow steps one through whatever you will have more friends than you ever had and everyone will love you and worship the ground you walk on. Not so. It just doesn’t happen, and if you really think it works that way for YOUR life you are either a very blessed individual, or the truth just hasn’t come out yet. Not being negative, those are just the facts.

So on to my real topic considering friendships. That is “forgiveness.”

We have all experienced pain from relationships at one point or another in our life. Why? Because there is one element that human friendship brings to the table every single time. Humanity.

That’s right, humanity.

In one of my dire situations in dealing with people my younger brother quoted a favorite movie line to me.

“People is peoples” he said, “You know, like in The Muppets take Manhattan says, people is peoples.” He then went on and gave me some of his treasured wisdoms that he shares from time to time. But the “peoples is peoples” speech just kinda stuck with me.

People are just that, people. They don’t always mean to be hurtful. They don’t always mean to say things they don’t mean. Trust me on this. Have you ever had a moment where you said something and as soon as it came out of your mouth it surprised even you? Were you shocked and embarrassed? Were you hoping forgiveness would quickly ensue from the person you were talking to? Yeah, I have been there too! Don’t you think that happens to other people as well?

“Well, I can’t believe she said that to ME!”

“Who does he think he is!”

“Well, if that’s how you REALLY feel!”

Oh come on! Don’t act like you have never thought those lines before or even said them in a vent session.

But have you ever stopped to think, maybe someone has felt the same way about something YOU said. My point is, we all say and do stupid things from time to time. We can’t help it…”people is peoples”…remember? Perhaps that person was just as shocked as you were by what came out of their mouth and hoped that you didn’t notice. Or perhaps they just didn’t realize they hurt you with their words. You know that can happen too. In working with people we have found many times that folks are not aware they have been hurtful. In those times we need to remember to offer forgiveness. Don’t let silly words and miscommunications ruin your friendships. Be bigger than that! Let us offer the mercy and forgiveness we so desire from others when it’s our turn to be “peoples.” We cannot expect for others to dish out what we ourselves are unwilling to serve. And while I’m thinking about it, let me just say that forgiveness is served best fresh.

Oh, but this person has done this and that and the other and I can’t trust them and blah, blah, blah.

Well, what did Jesus say about it?

Let us not forget Matthew 18:21 & 22

“Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”

Seventy times seven?! Are you kidding me?! That’s like, what, 490 times! We are supposed to forgive that person up to 490 times!!!

Let me just say this, if you are the kind of person that keeps score than you have more problems than friendships and forgiveness. In my personal opinion (and I know that the Bible is of no private interpretation) I think Jesus may have been suggesting that we forgive. Period. How many times has He forgiven YOU? I’m quite certain it’s been more than 490 times. (Some days I feel like I need mercy for 490 things in just one day.) But, isn’t it our goal to become Christ minded? To love like Jesus does. Oh my! Then perhaps we may want to review our take on forgiveness. After all it sure does help build relationships and keep them going strong. And even if the relationship has reached a point where it’s healthy for you to move on (and yes that happens) wouldn’t you rather part ways in love than carrying around the heartache? No, not the heartache of their offense…the heartache of your unforgiveness. You see unforgiveness has a way of being hurtful, not to the person we are “punishing” by being unforgiving, no, unforgiveness eats away at the depths of our very being until we can no longer even stand to look at ourselves in the mirror. How is that? Because unforgiveness can turn into bitterness. Bitterness is a cancer that eats at us until we can’t even live life happily, or look at ourselves in the mirror without feeling hatred for the person we have allowed ourselves to become. Forgiving liberates us!

“Forgive and forget!”

Oh, I’ll forgive but I won’t forget!

My husband once taught that forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget it. Forgiveness means you aren’t going to bring that transgression up any more.

Yeah…that was a wow moment for me too!



The main reason I want to forgive others is this. Because I can’t risk not being forgiven.

Mark 11:26 “But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.”

We have all committed “trespasses.” Yep, all of us. Unless you aren’t a “people.” But since you’re reading this than you are undoubtedly a “people” and since I’m writing it than I too am undoubtedly a “people” as well. Therefore it is safe to assume that us “peoples” have all committed “trespasses.” If not to another person (don’t kid yourself) than certainly to our Heavenly Father.

I personally don’t want to be a victim of my own unforgiveness.

Being a happier more forgiving me is certainly the best way to be! J

In joy,

Aimee

Note: I do not write this blog as one who feels like they reached a miraculous point of glory in the success of overcoming the human nature of unforgiveness. I don’t write as a professor of forgiveness. I write as a student. As my husband so lovingly stated, “Teaching it (forgiveness) is easier than practicing it.” So to my fellow students of mercy, let us reach beyond the heartache of unforgiveness, and with much prayer and soul searching for us all, let us shed bitterness and unforgiveness, and pray that God continually fill us with a heart of love and mercy for those around us. For when we cannot love with our own love, we must learn to love with His.